Carol, I understand what it feels like to think we have failed God. It's horrible and draining. I don't believe it is from God if we feel bad and not motivated to do something about it. I took me too long to deal with it as I didn't realise I was partnering with self pity, guilt, other stuff and old patterns of feeling and thinking. It hindered my awareness of Gods Presence. The desire to drink is usually linked to something else and possibly avoidance to deal with that issue. I also discovered this through experience. It was more comfortable and easy to enjoy sedating myself with drink than to look at an area causing me unhappiness and make decisions that would change my life. My suggestion is Make time, write down what is not making you happy, possibly a past event that was not resolved in a healthy way or something current. Write your options of how to deal with them and ask yourself what would be the most freeing choice. I was not seeing with the perspective I needed to bring change. Be blessed with truth and courage, self love and compassion. I hope this has been helpful.