Question:

It's hard for me to recognize when I'm being legalistic or following legalism.... I think too often that it depends on my ability to find His rest, maybe that's legalism-my performance falls short and I feel bad about myself for not attaining it.

Graham:

I'm assuming you don't want to be legalistic at all. So, great, you can stop it, now.

One of my definitions of legalism is making yourself the focus of everything. It's spirituality by your own efforts. The Truth that sets you free is: it's Christ in you first; then you in Christ second.

Christ in you Creates; you in Christ responds.

Christ in you Gives; you in Christ receives.

Christ in you Fulfills the law; you in Christ are complete in Him.

Christ in you is loved by God; you in Christ is the Beloved.

There is no legalism in Christ, therefor there can be none in you!! If He is free, so are you.
Because as He is so are we in this world. 1 John 4:17

The old legalistic, striving, self actualizing you is dead, courtesy of Jesus; Romans 6:3-11
You are a new creation (2 Cor 5: 14-21).

We never work on the old man. We simply lay it aside; Eph 4:20-24; Colossians 2: 6-14.
This is a glorious life! Our responsibility is to Respond by receiving; and to enjoy being in Christ.