Because of the extreme physical, emotional, and sexual abuse I encountered from my family, especially during my toddler and teenage years – as an adult, all I wanted to do is run and be away from people.
There came a time in my life when God told me I needed to stand because I wanted more of His love to flood my life. I didn't want to stand I just wanted to be alone with God and to be left alone. But that wasn't God's plan.
God's plan for my life was to show me how much of an extraordinary and amazing father he is and in order to do this, I had to work through my “baggage”. I'm still working on my baggage.
All I ever wanted from my biological father was a healthy love and never got it because he didn't know how to have that. His mother didn't teach him a healthy love because her father taught her that in order to be loved you committed incest.
My heavenly Father, my Papa, is standing with his heart and His Arms Wide Open and at first, taking the first step was extremely difficult because I didn't believe I could trust God not to hurt me like my biological earthly father.
Years ago, I forced myself to stand. I still don't want to have that much to do with people who don't show a loving nature but that is being a respecter of persons and not showing God's love the way He has intended.
I am learning how to live in and show God's love on a better plane everyday as God gives me the resources to keep learning and putting that knowledge into action. Thank you for the resources for me to go higher and deeper with God.
I want to go to a higher level with God and be showered and overwhelmed more with his love, mercy and Grace so all of His resources flow through me to others because that is my calling and their salvation and walk with God is of more importance than my selfish desires.
This means a lot of dying to my flesh every single moment and opening my heart more to Him.